


A Chemical Reaction Occurs When Two People Meet

by TheGreatCatsby



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Magic AU, Other Characters - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-05
Updated: 2016-09-12
Packaged: 2018-06-06 15:38:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6759802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGreatCatsby/pseuds/TheGreatCatsby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sugawara can use magic, but he never wanted to use it on Oikawa.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry that this story starts with pain.

“Tooru, I want to tell you something.” 

“Mmm?” 

It was a big deal, in Suga's mind. Not many people knew what he could do, and some of those who did were afraid. He didn't understand why. It wasn't like he was all-powerful. But people assumed things. He tried not to let it bother him. He wasn't even particularly powerful in the magical community. 

He just had one really useful talent, which he hoped he'd never have to use. 

Oikawa rested his head on Suga's shoulder and didn't even look up. The credits to a gory movie played on the television screen in front of them. Suga didn't want to move. They were curled up against each other, wrapped in blankets. 

If Suga looked around his living room, he would notice everything that was missing. The books on the occult, the notebooks where he wrote down his own experiences using magic, the protective charms given to him by friends and family. It wasn't like he was consumed by magic. He considered himself a normal person, despite all that. He just hated hiding this part of his life. 

With a sigh, he pulled away, ignoring Oikawa's soft groan. He took most of the blankets with him, clutching them around himself. Just in case. 

Oikawa raised his head, frowning. “What is it, Kou-chan?” 

“I can do magic.” The words left in a rush, and Suga felt his cheeks go red. His heart felt ready to burst out of his chest. 

Oikawa blinked. 

“I mean, there are people who can do magic,” Suga continued, his mouth running ahead of his brain, “and I'm one of them. Mostly it has a lot to do with tuning into the natural world, kind of like manipulating? Nature? And how things work? It isn't dangerous! Except sometimes to us, because there are costs of doing some things? But also, some people are more talented than others. And some people have specific talents. Uh it's not like Harry Potter or anything and I'm not a hippy but I can do things and I study it and try to improve because it can be really useful in understanding the world around us and that is why I work in a flower shop.” 

For a moment Oikawa was silent. Then he said, “you can enchant flowers? That's why you work in a flower shop?” 

Suga shook his head. “No but I—it's hard to explain? I don't know why I said that. I'm sorry, if this is a deal breaker or anything, but—did you just ask if I can enchant flowers?” 

Oikawa reached out and squeezed Suga's arm. “It's okay. I'll figure it out.” 

“What?” 

“I believe you,” Oikawa told him, grinning. “I knew you had something going on. I'm just a little disappointed that you're not an alien.” 

* 

“Kou-chan, what's the hardest spell you know how to do?” 

Suga finished arranging a bouquette of bright flowers and turned to Oikawa. “You can't just ask me that while I'm working.” 

Oikawa twirled the stem of a rose in his hands. Suga had been cutting roses earlier, and Oikawa had stolen one of the stems out of boredom. “Sure I can. No one else is here.” 

“It would sound silly.” Suga turned around, looking for any other plants that he could cut or arrange. 

“Magic sounds silly to most people,” Oikawa pointed out. “But not me! You sure dated the perfect guy, didn't you, Kou-chan?” 

Suga bit his lip, cheeks growing warm. Quietly, he said, “I can bring things back from the dead.” 

Oikawa was silent for a moment. Suga heard him moving closer until Oikawa was within touching distance. But they didn't touch. “Like people?” 

“I think I could only do something that big once,” Suga said. He turned around. Oikawa was staring back at him, eyes wide in awe. 

“I always knew you were strong, Koushi,” he breathed. 

“Tooru-” 

“That's amazing!” 

“Tooru, I'm not strong enough to do it more than once,” Suga said. “There are people who can tell you these things and...I can't just use it whenever I want.” 

“It's still cool,” Oikawa said. “I can't use it at all.” 

Suga sighed, and Oikawa gave him a sharp look. 

“Kou-chan, don't tell me you're upset because you can't bring more than one person back from the dead.” 

“I'm not,” Suga lied. 

Oikawa moved forward and wrapped his arms around Suga, murmuring, “You're too hard on yourself, Koushi.” 

Suga closed his eyes and leaned into Oikawa, enjoying the feeling of warmth and someone solid, someone he loved, pressed against him. “I know.” 

“I love you,” Oikawa said. 

“I love you, too.” 

*

“I'm picturing you like Snow White. Like, when we're walking you charm all the animals into following us and all the flowers bloom.” 

Suga elbowed Oikawa, the action amplified by the train swaying to the side. They were headed out of the city to the countryside for a very gentle hike in the forest, because Oikawa didn't do the whole intense mountain-man thing. Suga enjoyed mountains, but he could admit that it was a lot of effort to hike up one. 

“I refuse to take back any of what I said,” Oikawa said, sticking his tongue out. 

“I'll get a bird to attack your hair,” Suga said. “I'll have it make a nest on your head.” 

Oikawa looked mock horrified. They both knew Suga couldn't do that. Suga kind of wished he could. 

“I'll report you to the magic police,” Oikawa shot back. 

“They don't exist!” 

The train jostled, knocking Suga into Oikawa. 

“That's ridiculous,” Oikawa scoffed. “Someone needs to keep you in line.” 

“I keep myself in li-” 

A screeching sound filled the car, and Suga was thrown out of his seat. His head smacked against a hard surface and everything went dark. 

He woke up to smoke. Smoke and crying. He coughed, choking on the air that felt searing as he breathed it in. He opened his eyes. Smoke drifted through his field of vision and beyond that he could see the light from outside. All around him the train had become twisted, the metal warped. 

He managed to get on his hands and knees and started crawling forward. He had to find Oikawa. He'd been with Oikawa and now Oikawa wasn't next to him. He had to find him. 

His hand brushed against something pale. He grabbed it, crawled forward. 

Oikawa was lying on the floor of the train, pale and unconscious. 

As Suga moved forward and reached out to check Oikawa's pulse, he felt something wet on his hands and knees. He raised a hand and found it dark with blood. Not his, he knew that. His stomach dropped. Oikawa's blood. 

He leaned over Oikawa and pressed two fingers to his neck. 

Nothing. 

Oikawa's chest was still. 

Suga choked on a sob. Oikawa was dead. Oikawa was dead because Suga wanted to go on a hike. 

He had to do something. He didn't want to be useless. Not to Oikawa. Not to the man he loved. 

It would mean losing him either way, but at least Oikawa would get to live. 

Suga fumbled with his phone, not caring that his hands were covered in blood. He dialed a number, pressed it to his ear. Each ring seemed to take forever, until finally someone picked up. 

“Suga?” 

“Daichi.” Suga hated how weak his voice sounded. “Th-there's been an accident and-and Oikawa...he's dead, Daichi.” 

“What? Suga, where are you? What's going on?” 

“I'm going to do it,” Suga cut him off, louder. “I'm going to bring him back.” 

“Wait, Suga-” 

“I need you to take care of me,” Suga continued. “I'm sorry to ask you that. But-” 

“You'll be weak,” Daichi said, “and you'll forget Oikawa completely. It's a huge cost, Suga. Are you sure?” 

“I love him,” Suga insisted. “I'm selfish. I can't lose him.” 

“Suga, you're not selfish. Tell me where you are.” 

“There was a train accident. I don't know. But I've made up my mind.” 

Daichi started to say something else, but Suga hung up. 

He leaned over Oikawa and placed his hands on Oikawa's chest. Underneath the skin and bone, it felt empty. Oikawa had already vacated his own body. Suga stared at Oikawa's face. Oikawa's eyes were closed, his mouth slightly open, and Suga realized that he wouldn't remember his face at all—not like this and not like it was when Oikawa was alive. Quickly, he pressed his lips to Oikawa's, hated how cold the contact felt, and then pulled away. 

“I'm sorry,” he murmured, closing his eyes. A rushing sound filled his head, and all of his surroundings disappeared. 

And on the floor, his phone rang and rang.


	2. Loss

_The train station was quiet. It was the middle of the day and overcast, cold. Oikawa crossed his arms over his chest in an effort to keep himself warm._

_Next to him, Suga danced from one foot to the other. His breath misted in the air before he pulled up his scarf to cover his mouth._

_They were both heading back to their hometowns in Miyagi. Suga had suggested that they take the train together, since they were going the same way for the winter holidays anyway. Oikawa liked the idea of getting to spend a few extra hours with Suga._

“ _Twenty minutes,” Oikawa said. “Twenty minutes.”_

“ _I like getting places early.” Suga's voice was muffled and apologetic._

“ _I'm not blaming you,” Oikawa said. “I'm just saying, twenty minutes until the train.”_

“ _We should've waited in a cafe,” Suga muttered._

“ _I could use a coffee,” Oikawa said. They stood there for a bit, shivering._

“ _I like trains, though,” Suga said. “You get to see a lot of scenery. You don't have to put the same effort that you do into driving. You see more than you would on a plane.”_

“ _Are you telling me that you're gonna ignore me for the scenery, Koushi?”_

“ _That depends on how entertaining you are,” Suga said._

“ _I'm nothing but entertaining.” His voice wavered as a breeze blew through the station, startling both of them._

“ _This is silly,” Suga said, pulling his scarf down. “We don't have to be cold.”_

“ _What-”_

_Suga threw his arms around Oikawa and held him tight. “Body heat!”_

“ _Kou-chan!”_

“ _What?”_

_Oikawa didn't know what. He was just surprised. He wrapped his arms around Suga and the two of them stood on the platform, warming each other until the train pulled in. Even though inside the train was warm, Oikawa felt a pang of disappointment at having to separate from Suga. They couldn't quite hold each other the same way in the seats._

_Suga snagged the window seat and Oikawa settled next to him, noticing that Suga's head seemed to automatically turn to face the window. The train pulled out of the station and Suga's eyes followed the cityscape as it passed._

_Oikawa found himself watching Suga watching the scenery. Watching how Suga's eyes followed every detail, how his mouth would twitch whenever he saw something he liked, or his brows would furrow slightly whenever he caught site of something odd or confusing. How his eyes would light up at a particularly tall building, or a lovely bit of countryside._

_It didn't matter that Suga wasn't paying Oikawa any attention. Oikawa could watch him look out the window forever and be satisfied._

_But eventually, they arrived at their destination, and they both had to stop their peaceful obversations and go their separate ways._

*

Oikawa woke up feeling like he'd been hit by a truck.

He noticed the curtains pulled around his bed, the IV in his arm, the thin white cotton blanket and the florescent lights. Hospital. He'd only been in one once before, for knee surgery, but he hadn't felt nearly as bad as he did now.

The chair on the other side of the room was empty. He swallowed the panic rising in his throat at the first thought that popped into his head: _where is Koushi?_

He twisted his head, looking to see if anyone was in the room, but he was alone. He tried to move to sit up, but his body felt heavy and with a groan he closed his eyes and settled back, feeling like he was sinking into the pillow. He didn't even have the strength to find the call button, and he clenched his hands around the blanket.

If Suga was okay, he would be here. The fact that he wasn't here meant he wasn't okay. Oikawa couldn't help but feel that somethihng horrible had happened, and as the minutes passed he began to think that people were avoiding him.

He tried to think, but the last thing he remembered was being on a train with Suga. They were going to the countryside for a short hike. Maybe a picnic. They'd been talking. Suga hadn't been staring out the window like he sometimes did on trains because they'd taken that trainline many times before. It was a shorter distance than the Tokyo to Sendai train. They'd been heading to the suburbs.

Now he was in the hospital.

The train...he remembered Suga being cut off, feeling oddly weightless, and then nothing. Just waking up in the hospital feeling like crap.

Had there been an accident?

His breaths started to come unevenly and his heart rate picked up. This must have alerted the nurses, because one of them came in. Immediately Oikawa rasped, “What's going on?”

“There was a train accident,” the nurse said. “The train impacted an object on the tracks and derailed, and you were injured. You lost a lot of blood due to a severe laceration on your left leg and internal bleeding from a punctured lung. You're lucky you didn't bleed out before the medics arrived.”

“Other people died,” Oikawa said.

The nurse nodded, somber. “There were three deaths.”

Oikawa tried to sit up again, but he felt dizzy. He heard the nurse telling him to take it easy. He tried to catch his breath, gasped, “I need to talk to someone. I need my phone. I need--”

“Calm down,” the nurse said. “Your belongings are in the closet, safe. I will get you your phone. You need to stop trying to move.”

“Okay.” Oikawa took several shaky breaths. The nurse disappeared from his field of vision, returning a few seconds later with his phone. She handed it to him and he took it. He noticed absently that it was two days after he'd been on the train.

There was a message from Sawamura, Suga's best friend. “Call me when you wake up.”

Oikawa felt like his throat was going to close up and suffocate him. He dialed the number, held the phone to his ear, breathing hard.

As soon as Sawamura picked up, Oikawa blurted out, “Is Koushi dead?”

“Suga isn't dead,” Sawamura said. He sounded like there was more to this.

“Is he okay?” Oikawa demanded. “Tell me.”

“You just woke up,” Sawamura told him. “I'm going to come so that I can explain things to you in person. Suga is alive, and he's out of the hospital. I'll be there in half an hour.”

Oikawa swallowed down the part of him that wanted to beg Sawamura to tell him everything over the phone. Instead he said, “Okay.”

Sawamura hung up. And Oikawa waited.

Half an hour later Sawamura rushed into the room, looking like he'd run there. He pulled up a chair next to the bed and apologized for taking so long.

“Where is Koushi?” Oikawa asked. He was tired. He was in pain. He was scared, and he wanted to know what had happened as quickly as possible.

“Suga told you what he can do, right?” Sawamura asked.

Oikawa nodded.

“And that he can bring people back from the dead?”

Again, Oikawa nodded. They never really talked about it after the first time.

“Suga could do that, with a human, but it came with a cost,” Sawamura said. “It would take a physical toll, because doing magic like that brings the person closer to death. Ordinarily, the exchange for a spell would be to take something similar and give it back to nature.”

“Like his life?” Oikawa choked.

Sawamura shook his head. “In this case, his memories. Of the person he brought back to life.” He took a deep breath, as if to prepare Oikawa for what he would say next, but Oikawa had a feeling that he knew already. “The train wreck-”

“Did I die?” Oikawa asked.

“You did. Suga called me and told me he was going to bring you back. And he did.” Sawamura swallowed. “I'm taking care of him.”

“He's forgotten me,” Oikawa said.

“He has.”

“Why would he do that?” Oikawa asked. “Why would he? Why didn't he just get himself out of there? Why would he waste that on me?”

“It wasn't a waste,” Sawamura snapped, expression hard. “Don't call what he did a waste.” Then, softer, he added, “because he didn't want to lose you.”

Oikawa swallowed. “So...our relationship. It's nothing to him now. He doesn't even remember bringing me back?”

“No.”

Oikawa closed his eyes as it sunk in, the knowledge heavy. He felt like something was crushing his chest. Suga loved him enough to bring him back to life, but he would never remember loving Oikawa that much.

“Can I see him?” Oikawa asked. “When I get out?”

Sawamura nodded.

“He isn't going to visit, is he?”

“He's not very well himself right now,” Sawamura said, “and I think...for both of you, emotionally, it'll take time to process. And energy that right now, neither of you have.”

“Okay.”

Sawamura started to get up, but Oikawa reached out and grabbed his arm. “Do you think it can be saved? Do you think we can have what we had?”

Sawamura gave him a sad smile. “I hope so. But I don't know.”

“You don't know.” Oikawa let go, closed his eyes. He felt them burning.

“I do know this,” Sawamura said, and Oikawa heard him stand. “I've never seen Suga so happy with someone.”

The words were meant to be comforting, but all Oikawa could think about was how the next time they saw each other, Suga would look at him like a stranger.

He knew he should have been happy that magic had saved him, but right now, he hated magic more than anything.

It had taken Suga away from him. 


	3. Name

“ _I love your name. Tooru. Too-ru.” Suga smiled around the sounds. “Oikawa Tooru. Strong. Confident. Passionate. That's what it sounds like.”_

“ _What are you doing?” Oikawa asked, amused. Suga leaned his head against Oikawa's shoulder, curling up close to him as the end credits to another episode of The X-Files flickered across the screen. Oikawa's favorite foreign show, all about aliens. There seemed to be endless amount of episodes, and Oikawa hadn't managed to convince anyone to watch the whole series with him. Not even Iwaizumi. Only Suga agreed to take up that challenge, although aliens weren't typically his thing. He still enjoyed it._

_But tonight, Suga seemed distracted. He was in a particularly cuddly mood. Oikawa didn't mind but the name thing was distracting and he couldn't quite get a handle on it._

“ _Did you know,” Suga murmured, curling his fingers around Oikawa's right hand, “that in magic, names hold a lot of power?”_

“ _So what you're saying,” Oikawa said slowly, “is that you can curse me because you know my full name?”_

“ _Yes!” Suga laughed. “But also, I can protect you. Your name has_ you _attached to it, and everything that you mean to me. There's so much in two words. To me. To anyone who cares about you, really.”_

“ _I never thought of it like that,” Oikawa said. “Probably because I can't protect you the same way.”_

“ _You protect me in your own way,” Suga said._

_Oikawa squeezed Suga's hand. “Koushi.”_

“ _Hmm?”_

“ _Maybe I've been thinking about it, too,” Oikawa said, “but a little bit different. Koushi sounds like you. Soft and warm, but with a bit of hardness behind it.”_

“ _I like that,” Suga said._

“ _But mostly,” Oikawa continued, “when I say your name, it just feels_ right _.”_

*

Suga felt like his brain was full of holes. It hadn't been so bad when he was in the hospital, but when Daichi took him home he felt like he was off-kilter. Like something was missing and he couldn't explain it.

Daichi seemed to be avoiding talking about something with him. When Suga asked what was wrong, Daichi only said that he was worried, that the train accident had been really bad and that he was glad Suga was alive.

Suga felt dizzy when he'd gotten up to get dressed the next morning and saw an X-Files DVD set lying on top of his dresser. He'd had to sit down on the bed, breathing hard. He wondered if he'd stood up too quickly, but when he looked back at the DVD set he felt something tight in his chest. He'd never seen the X-Files before, and he didn't know anyone who had.

He'd gone to take a shower and found an extra toothbrush in the bathroom. When he asked Daichi whose it was, Daichi had hesitated before saying, “It's mine,” even though there were three toothbrushes there and the only people in the apartment were him and Daichi.

Suga already felt like crap. According to Daichi, he'd lost a lot of blood. His body ached. He didn't understand why seeing a bunch of small things in his apartment that he couldn't quite account for made him feel like he was going to pass out. There were more DVDs in the living room when he curled up on the couch with a blanket, and two coffee mugs on the table in front of him. Books that he didn't remember buying had been scattered on the floor. An alien plush was tucked between the couch cushions.

He closed his eyes. In his head, his living room was free of half the stuff that was currently in there and better organized. His couch had pillows and not plushies. It was small things, but he felt like he was living somewhere completely different than his own home, and he clutched the blanket tighter around him, swallowing down nausea. He felt the couch dip next to him.

“Are you okay?” Daichi asked.

“I feel sick,” Suga admitted, voice thick. “I don't know why. I don't feel at home.”

“At home?” Daichi repeated.

“I...don't know. I don't know. There's a bunch of small things out of place or things that aren't mine and I don't know where they came from. I feel like there's something that's throwing me off. This isn't _mine,_ Daichi.”

Daichi rested his hand on Suga's arm. “It's okay. It'll be okay. You will be okay. You need to rest.”

Suga leaned against Daichi, resting his head on Daichi's shoulder. He didn't miss the way Daichi went stiff. He was too tired to worry about it.

“Maybe you're right,” he murmured. “Maybe I hit my head or something.”

“Maybe,” Daichi said. Suga could hear that he was lying. He could always tell when Daichi was lying.

But he was so tired. He could feel himself drifting towards sleep and Daichi didn't move.

*

“Do you want anything to eat?” Daichi asked when Suga woke up hours later.

“Daichi,” Suga's voice was still slurred from exhaustion, “what was I doing on the train?”

“You should eat first,” Daichi said.

Suga's stomach churned at the thought. “I'm not hungry.”

“You should try.”

“I really don't want to.” His voice was sharper now. He sat up, really observing Daichi. Daichi wasn't looking at him. Not straight on. “What was I doing on the train?”

“You don't remember?” Daichi asked, playing with his sleeve.

“I don't,” Suga said.

“You were going to a park to hike,” Daichi told him.

It sounded like something he would do. He bit his lip. It still sat with him the wrong way. “That's it?”

“That's it.”

“You're hiding something.” The words stumbled out of his mouth before he could keep them in. Daichi did meet his eyes this time, but he didn't look surprised. He just looked sad. Suga's stomach dropped. “What is it?”

“It'll be better if you hear it when you've had more time to recover,” Daichi said. “I'll make you some soup.” He stood up.

“No.” Suga grabbed his arm. “Daichi, please. I need to know.”

Daichi took a deep breath. “Suga...it's bad.”

“Bad,” Suga repeated. He knew Daichi wouldn't say that if it wasn't bad. His heart started to beat faster. “How bad?”

“You lost someone,” Daichi said. “He isn't dead but...he died. In the train accident. And you don't remember him because...”

“I brought him back,” Suga whispered.

Daichi nodded.

Suga wished more than anything that he could feel something. It scared him, that instead of sadness he felt hollow. There was _nothing_ there. He couldn't remember the accident and he couldn't remember feeling in love. He couldn't imagine loving someone so much to use that spell. To make that sacrifice.

It explained the strange feelings he got when he looked at certain objects in his apartment and how he generally felt weak and cold. He'd been told once that bringing someone back from the dead would bring him and his magic closer to death. He hadn't been sure what that meant at the time, but there was a chill in his bones. He thought that if he attempted any sort of spell, he might pass out.

“I should remember that,” he said.

“You don't,” Daichi said.

Suga shook his name and looked down at his lap, where his hands rested on top of his blanket. Useless hands. He'd never be able to bring anyone else back. He'd always had a problem with that, the fact that he wasn't strong enough to use his greatest ability more than once.

Daichi lowered himself back onto the couch and wrapped an arm around Suga. Suga didn't relax. He sat up straight, shivering slightly under his blanket, unable to go back to sleep. Surely all of his memories couldn't be gone, but every time he looked for the hint of a relationship, there was nothing. He could tell it took up huge parts of his life, though, because his memories had holes. Large holes that he couldn't account for. Missing things that he should have been able to remember. It made him feel sick, how much emptiness there was where he knew there should be strong emotions and memories.

“What was his name?” he asked Daichi after some time.

“Oikawa Tooru.”

He should have felt something. But even the name of his lover brought no reaction. Oikawa Tooru was nothing but words. 


	4. Avoidance

“ _I think we should move in together.”_

_Oikawa said it so casually that Suga automatically said, “Okay” and didn't look up from stirring his curry. Then he realized what Oikawa had said and turned around to find Oikawa watching him, an amused look on his face. “What?”_

“ _I mean we practically live together already,” Oikawa said with a small shrug. “And someone needs to keep you from over-spicing the food at all times.”_

“ _We should both finish school before we do that,” Suga said._

“ _So practical, Kou-chan.” Oikawa stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Suga's waist, practically hanging off him as Suga turned back to his cooking. He wrinkled his nose. “It smells spicy.”_

“ _It's not,” Suga said. “I used less than half of what I'd use for myself.”_

_It was spicy. Oikawa cried as he ate it._

*

“You seem really sad for someone who survived a train crash,” Iwaizumi told Oikawa during his third visit.

Oikawa wished he could fake his smiles as well as he used to, but he'd never faked being happy over something as important as losing Suga. He would have told Iwaizumi if Iwaizumi had known about the whole magic thing, but he didn't, and Oikawa was too tired to explain it. He didn't want to deal with the possibility that Iwaizumi wouldn't even believe him.

But Iwaizumi was observant. “I haven't seen Suga around.”

“He was injured too,” Oikawa said.

“Okay.” Iwaizumi sounded uncertain, but he left it alone. He pushed Oikawa often, but he also knew when pushing would just make Oikawa break.

_He doesn't remember me at all_ , Oikawa thought. He kept his mouth shut. He couldn't say that. Or could he? His brain started whirring, inspired by the hospital surroundings and stories he'd heard before. Suga had been injured. The train accident was huge enough to have been on the news. Everyone knew that a lot of passengers had been traumatically injured. Iwaizumi desperately wanted to help, and Oikawa had grown enough as a person that he desperately wanted to let him help.

So he let Iwaizumi in the way he knew how: “Brain injury. He-he doesn't remember-” he choked on the word “me” and tried to finish the sentence with something else but couldn't.

“You?” Iwaizumi asked. “Anything?”

Oikawa took a shaky breath and clutched at his blankets to ground himself. “He knows who he is,” he said, “and he knows some things. But...”

“Oh.” Iwaizumi sat down on the bed. “I'm sorry, Oikawa.”

“It's fine,” Oikawa choked, and Iwaizumi's expression flattened. Of course it wasn't fine. That was just something Oikawa automatically tacked onto everything.

“Will he get those memories back?”

“I don't know.” That part was true, and to his horror Oikawa felt his eyes burn and overflow. Tears ran down his cheeks and when he tried to take a deep breath to calm himself, it came out as a sob. It hurt and he doubled over, and Iwaizumi gently held him.

It seemed like his tears were endless. Every time he tried to calm down, a fresh wave of emotion made him sob again.

Sugawara didn't remember him, and Oikawa couldn't stop crying.

*

Three days later, Oikawa was released from the hospital with the number for a therapist and a bottle of sleeping pills.

He lived alone, but Iwaizumi wasn't going to let him stay alone. Perhaps it was because Oikawa hadn't managed to even pretend to be okay in his presence, and he was oddly subdued around everyone else. That was worrying. An Oikawa who couldn't keep up appearances was not a healthy Oikawa at all.

It was Iwaizumi who drove him back from the hospital and unlocked the door. The apartment smelled like cleaning supplies. Oikawa cleaned religiously every week, but now he wished he hadn't. If he hadn't cleaned before the accident, the place would still smell like Sugawara's curry.

“Do you want tea or something?” Iwaizumi asked.

Oikawa took a few steps towards the couch. “I don't know.”

“I'll watch a movie with you,” Iwaizumi said. “Your pick.”

Oikawa blinked. Iwaizumi never let him pick. He thought Oikawa's taste in films was crap.

“Sure,” Oikawa said, shuffling towards the couch. He couldn't even feel happy about finally roping Iwaizumi into watching something he liked because he was weighed down by something else. When he sat on the couch, Suga wasn't there curling into him.

And this was _his_ fault. Suga had saved his life.

He startled when Iwaizumi draped a blanket around his shoulders and offered him tea. Oikawa accepted the cup and drank the hot liquid without really tasting it. Suga would always put too much sugar in the tea because he liked things really sweet.

Really sweet, really spicy. Oikawa teased him about having shitty tastebuds because he always made things too strong one way or the other. Suga had shot back that he liked to experience things fully.

This tea was bland.

Oikawa put on the first movie he could find and leaned against Iwaizumi's shoulder. Iwaizumi was a sturdy presence at his side. Suga was softer, and they leaned into each other. Even though Oikawa knew that the support was good for him, he missed Suga's softness. He wanted it more than he wanted the steadiness of Iwaizumi.

But he couldn't get it. His eyes burned. He didn't want to cry again. He didn't want Iwaizumi to feel like he wasn't doing enough. But Iwaizumi didn't know what was going on. He didn't understand the full extent. Even Oikawa didn't understand it all.

His eyes stopped burning and he felt a shiver work its way up his spine. For all he knew about Suga, Oikawa didn't understand magic at all.

For once it was a good thing. Maybe there was something he was missing.

He let the movie play out, but his mind worked overtime. If there was something he was missing, maybe he could find it.

Maybe he could save Suga like Suga saved him. 


	5. Turning Wheels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHH I'm sorry for such a long delay! Writing has been really difficult, but I really want to finish this! I have plans, I just need to write them. Anyway, enjoy!

_“So tell me more about this magic thing. Did you got to wizarding school like Harry Potter? Are you the boy who lived, Koushi? Am I part of some life or death plot to take over the world?”_

_Suga swatted Oikawa's arm. “It's nothing like that at all! You usually learn from your parents or someone in the family who knows magic. But because everyone has a...special skill, I guess you could say, a lot of it is working things out for yourself.”_

_Oikawa nodded. Around them, the trees were shedding their leaves and leaving confetti color on the grass. The park path wound up a small hill and disappeared over the crest._

_“You can bring things back to life,” Oikawa said._

_“Yeah.” They'd talked about it before, but Suga seemed uncomfortable with the subject every time Oikawa brought it up. It sounded like a cool power. At the same time, Oikawa could see why Suga would never want to use it._

_“Like the leaves on the ground?”_

_“You know, the more you use that power the closer you get to death.” Suga scooped up a red leaf off the side of the path and turned it over in his hands. “Besides, it would be a waste. It's detached from the tree, so it would die anyway.”_

_“How many times have you used your power before?”_

_“I could count them on one hand, and only for practice on plants,” Suga said, dropping the leaf. It fluttered to the ground. “It has to be worth it.”_

*

“I don't remember his face.” 

Suga spoke into the pillow, and even muffled he knew Daichi heard him from the way Daichi shifted next to him in the bed. If he hadn't been so tired, so empty, he would have felt guilty about taking up all of Daichi's time like this. But he couldn't bring himself to feel even that. 

“You don't remember what Oikawa looked like?” Daichi asked. 

“No.” Suga squeezed his eyes shut, pressed his face into the pillow harder. It almost hurt. It almost felt like he couldn't breathe. 

“You can look him up,” Daichi said. “I can show you a picture.” 

“I want to get him back.” Suga clutched at the bedsheets. He felt the mattress cover unhook from the corners and he balled it up in his hand. He would have to make the bed later again. He didn't know when he'd get the energy for that. It didn't seem worth his attention. 

Not when he'd forgotten a whole person. 

He was cold. Even the blankets Daichi had piled on didn't feel like enough. He knew, dimly, that he'd once had someone to warm him up even when he wasn't cold. Someone who had a near-constant presence curled around him or beside him in this bed. 

_But what are you going to do about it?_

With grief, it was better to let things go. Suga had been told that his whole life, but Oikawa was still alive. Had Suga not saved him, Oikawa would be dead, but Suga would remember their time together. 

Was that regret? 

He remembered when he was fifteen, he lost his maternal grandfather. He and his grandfather had been close and the stroke was sudden. He hadn't had time to prepare. Each year on the date of his death, Suga and his mom talked about him. It became a small tradition between the two of them, because Suga's father didn't care for that sort of thing. It was a “waste of time.” 

On his twenty-first birthday, Suga talked to his mom over the phone. And as she told a story about his grandfather taking Suga out on his fourtheenth birthday to an amusement park Suga felt tears burn his eyes. 

He almost didn't want to say it out loud, but he did. “I barely remember that.” 

Even the image of his grandfather's face, the mole above his left eyebrow, his smile, the way his eyes crinkled when he was really happy, all of those things felt faded. When Suga tried to recall an image of his grandfather or a memory, more and more he felt like he was looking through a fog. Sometimes he would dream about him, but the dreams were vague and foreboding. 

In a few of them, his mom begged him to bring his grandfather back. 

In reality, Suga knew she had never considered it, but the thought gnawed away at him like the fading did. What good was his power if he didn't use it on the people he loved? But his grandfather had been old and the magic wouldn't make him any younger. It wasn't like Suga could make people immortal, any more than he could make them unforgettable. 

Daichi had fallen asleep next to him in the time that Suga thought about his grandfather. Oikawa was nothing like that. Oikawa was a blank, a hole, an emptiness that he couldn't even miss, but knowing that he didn't miss anything bothered him. It scared him. 

The brain wasn't meant to forget like that. 

Suga slipped out of bed, careful not to make noise. Daichi remained asleep. Suga pulled on a sweater and some shoes and walked straight past the living room out the door. 

The night was cold and quiet even though Suga lived in the city. The strange glow of the street lamps made Suga feel like he was in a dream, and maybe he was. This whole thing could be a strange dream and he'd wake up remembering everything. There would be no train crash. He wouldn't forget. 

He didn't know where he meant to go, but he kept walking further and further away from his apartment. The cold bit through his sweater. As he walked, Suga felt drowsy. He stopped when he reached a gate. Beyond it, he could make out faint outlines. 

He'd walked to one of the city cemeteries. 

His grandfather had been cremated. A lot of people chose that option. Suga stared beyond the gates and wondered how many dead were just ashes. Those people, he would never be able to bring back. 

His hands curled around the iron bars, numb. His breath misted in the air. 

“The gates aren't locked.” 

Suga jumped and whipped around. A young man stood a few feet away, more appropriately dressed for the weather. What struck Suga immedietely was his eyes, a cold piercing grey. He was expressionless, but somehow that made Suga even more uneasy. 

“I wasn't going in,” he said. 

“Why would you come to a cemetery in the middle of the night if you weren't going in?” the man asked, raising an eyebrow. Suga almost felt ashamed. “Were you planning on searching for ghosts? I can tell you that there are none here, and that you're wasting your time and disrespecting the dead looking for such a cheap thrill.” 

“I-I wasn't,” Suga managed. 

“Then what are you going?” 

“I...” Suga glanced back beyond the gate. He didn't know anyone in this cemetery. If Oikawa had died, would he have been buried here? “I don't know. I was just walking and I ended up here.” 

“I see,” the man said. “You enjoy the company of the dead.” 

“No.” Suga bit his lip. Something in the man's eyes made Suga feel like he knew everything. It made Suga feel like he could say what he said next. “I can bring back the dead.” 

The man's eyebrow drew together. 

“I know it sounds silly,” Suga continued, “but I can. But I didn't come here to do that tonight. I don't know, I just ended up here. The person I'm looking for is alive. I could easily look up where he is but I didn't.” 

The man nodded and moved closer, holding out his hand. “My name is Akaashi Keiji.” 

“Sugawara Koushi.” Suga shook Akaashi's hand and was shocked to find how cool it felt, even to Suga's own cold hand. 

“I research,” Akaashi said, moving around Suga to push open the gate. “Specifically, I research necromancy. I've been experimenting on some of the dead here as well, but there are very few live people I can find with related magic. I'm assuming you're here with a question related to your talent.” 

“I...maybe.” Suga stared at Akaashi. “You know about necromancy?” 

“I try.” Akaashi gestured further into the cemetery. “So, are you coming with me?” He turned around and started walking before Suga could give an answer.

Suga decided to follow him.


End file.
